I don’t know whether to raise it with their parents. My son was hysterical when I told him I might have to do this. What message should I give my son about this? I told him that porn is not real, loving sex (he knows the facts of life) and he should not look at these things until he is 18. ‘Our son does not have the proper respect for adults that we would like him to have’.‘I foresaw Covid and war in Europe, but doctors said I was paranoid and having a breakdown’.‘I’m worried my daughter is developing an eating disorder’Īnswer: With the widespread use of smartphones children are now witnessing pornography and violent material at younger and younger ages.In surveys many children report coming across this material before their 12th birthday. This is, indeed, a tragedy as witnessing such material at young ages can interfere with their normal sex education and development. As children start puberty they may be very drawn to and excited by watching such material, yet they do not have the maturity to critically evaluate what they are watching. Your email highlights how, even when parents take steps to protect their children, they can never fully supervise.
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You did well to delay smartphone use and to install safety software on other devices in order to supervise his access. But even then it is hard to protect your children from coming across material from the unsupervised access of their peers. I would think it is important to tell the other parents. Would you want to know if your 12 year old was showing porn to other children on his phone? They may not know this is happening and if they find out they can take steps to better supervise or restrict their child’s access, and talk through all the safety issues. It is understandable that your son is nervous about telling in case he is identified as the “person who told”, so it is a delicate conversation to get right. You might want to ring the other parents and talk to them in person to explain this. To a certain extent your son’s safety depends on his peer group.
If all the parents of the children in his peer group agree to supervise access to the internet, then this will keep them all safer and delay them from coming across unsuitable material until they are older and more able to deal with it. While it has become the norm to give children and teenagers smartphones at young ages perhaps this does not have to be the case. Given the risks of unsupervised access, it is perfectly possible to give young teenagers phones that aren’t smartphones which allow them to text and make calls but have limited access to the internet. This might be a better way to protect them when they are young.